Since the beginning of time, the social order of things has called for the liaison of like-minded people to share certain pastimes and pleasures. Men have their beer drinking buddies, weight-lifting partners, poker pals, Monday night football cronies, golfing foursomes and the occasional therapy group session. Women have book clubs and garden societies and fashion shows and the PTA, they have palates classes and art classes and personal trainers and girls night out. All are deemed socially acceptable and healthy, unless any one group activity goes to excess to the point where it compromises other areas of the person’s life, especially their relationships.
But what if there isn’t a primary relationship involved? And what if the most basic need of all after food, shopping and spectator sports – that would be sexual expression – goes unattended to, and you aren’t into bars and one night stands or solitary interactions with the internet? What if an otherwise happy and healthy person is just plain horny, and they happen to know someone else, a person they like and respect, who just happens to be in the exact same state of sexual frustration and availability? Why isn’t there a socially-acceptable social structure for that?
Don’t look now, but there just might be.
These days this collision of common states of sexual frustration has a viable outlet that is more acceptable and common than ever before. Polite society calls it friends with benefits, but on the street and in the bedrooms and minds of all who really understand what’s going on, it’s known as having a fuck buddy. A fuck buddy is a friend or acquaintance with whom you share regular sexual activities, in much the same way you’d share an affection for, say, bowling or eating sushi. You wouldn’t bowl or eat California rolls with someone whose company you don’t enjoy, and the same is true with having a reliable fuck buddy. This isn’t remotely a case of one person using another for personal gain, its two people taking advantage of a mutual interest for the purpose of mutual gain, hopefully in the form of bone-jarring simultaneous orgasms. And if there’s any using involved, it’s certainly by enthusiastic mutual consent.
The advantages to this situation are obvious. The sexual learning curve normally reserved to committed couples and completely off the radar of those who indulge in one night stands is a huge plus for fuck buddies, and the fact that they are, officially at least, not “in love” permits them to be downright greedy and uninhibited about it all in a way that a lot of formal couples just can’t seem to achieve. And of course, with a regular sexual partner you get a completely different approach to the prevention of sexually transmitted disease than that of more promiscuous folks, up to and including the need to skip the condoms because you’ve both been tested and are comfortable that your partner is not sleeping around on you. A bareback fuck buddy is the best fuck buddy of all.
In summary, with a fuck buddy sex is there when you need it, how you like it, and there’s someone you enjoy waking up next to you instead of some stranger with breath like a case of empty beer bottles.
The disadvantages are more complex than the advantages are simple. Because the very essence of sleeping with someone you already like and respect creates a fertile environment for growing emotional attachment. This is good news if both buddies remain on the same page as things escalate, but if one starts to fall in love in a way the other doesn’t, the bliss can quickly turn into heartache. And of course, there’s always the issue of an unwanted pregnancy, so great care must be taken to prevent this from happening, even more so than with couples who have professed their love and long-term intentions for the relationship.
Having a fuck buddy is like any other form of personal relationship, in that there are rules and expectations and occasional rough spots. Only in this case, you get more than a bowling partner and a shared plate of fried rice, you get to eliminate sexual frustration as one of the things that’s missing from your life. Issues like intimacy and commitment remain up in the air, but when you’re sleeping with someone all bets are off, along with your clothes and your inhibitions.
