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Male Masturbation  Articles

Male Masturbation Past, Present, and Future (Read quietly, I'm trying to concentrate).

"Please tell the children that masturbation won't hurt them. I spent my entire youth in agony waiting to go blind, because my parents told me that's what would happen if I masturbated. I guess I could have stopped, but going blind seemed the better option."
- A friend of retired Attorney General, Joycelyn Elders

Male masturbation began with a bunch of apelike men standing around having a "dawn of man circle jerk". I know this to be true after seeing documentary filmmaker Mel Brooks' "History of the World Part I." Now turn the clock forward 100,000 years and here I am trying to wipe cum off my stomach with an old t-shirt. At first glance it would appear that little has changed. However, a closer look and we realize that masturbation has evolved nearly as much as man himself. Unfortunately, none of that matters.

That's because not much changed for the first 99,982 years after male masturbation was invented. Yes, Leonardo da Vinci invented a vibrating vagina years before we had the technology to build one, and of course there was all that "spawning of the Demons" during the Inquisition, but for the most part the history of male masturbation began in my bedroom when I was 13 years old.

You see, one of the coolest things about masturbation is that I get to have my own personal and private relationship to the subject. Because most of it happens behind closed doors and isn't talked about, all that really matters is kept between me and my remote control. It's nobody's business but mine and nobody gets to know what I do to please myself when I'm alone. There's no pressure to make someone else happy (not that making others happy isn't fun, too, of course) and I can take as little or as much time as I like. I don't have to be embarrassed if I try something "weird" because after all, I'm not going to make fun of myself. In fact, this may be the one thing in the world that is truly for me and nobody else.

Let's take a look at a few of the facts about male masturbation and see why they aren't relevant to my reality at all:

When do men masturbate?

They do it when they're single, while they're dating, during a marriage, to console themselves after a break up, to celebrate getting back together, when the Cubs win, when the Cubs lose, before, during, and after work, while watching TV, listening to the radio, on the drive home from the strip club, before and after a first date, while their roommate is sleeping, and on Tuesdays.

When do I masturbate?

When I want to.

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Why use sex toys for male masturbation? That's easy, because it feels good! I mean if there's a better time to focus on my pleasure than during masturbation, I don't know what it is ... Read more about sex toys

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Read tips, advice, stories, and a whole wealth of information about the subject. Read more about male masturbation
Where do men masturbate?

They do it in the bed, on the floor, in a sleeping bag, in a camper, in the bathroom, on the couch, on the hotel bed, in their friend's shower, in the tree house, behind the staircase, and on the roof.

Where do I masturbate?


What turns a man on while masturbating?

Thinking about the checkout girl, talking to a woman on a webcam, scanning a porn site, reading a Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Club International, and finally a hardcore mag in that order, Baywatch, Keanu Reeves, Victoria's Secret catelogs, sticking a finger up their butts, broad shoulders, Hot Wet Fuck Sluts #23, memories of their first blow job, Seymore Butts' Videos, a used copy of Beatlejism, Bettie Page, lesbians, Queer as Folk, romantic dreams about their wife, smoking marijuana, fantasizing about Jenna Jameson going down on Luanne from King of the hill, clowns, playing with their nipples, Trish Stratus posters, and poppers.

What do I think about while masturbating?

I'm not telling.

What do men use for lube while masturbating?

They successfully use lotion, baby oil, KY, Astroglide, ID Personal Lubricant, conditioner, saliva, Wet Light, and sometimes nothing at all. They also realize that it doesn't work to use soap (dries them out), Vaseline (doesn't wash off), shampoo (it burns), or water (not slick).

What do I use for lube while masturbating?

ID Personal Lubricant

What devices do men use to masturbate with?

They use their hands, a sock, latex vaginas, vibrating butt plugs, blow up dolls, CyberSkin dolls, vibrators, penis pumps, their feet, pillows, GI Joe, toilet paper rolls, vacuums (very dangerous), Virtual Girls, and hot apple pies.

What device do I use to masturbate with?

What day is it?

In the past 20 years of my masturbation experience there has been plenty change though. I saw porn make the journey from the adult video "lost years" (bad stories, lousy acting, and unacceptable lighting) to Gonzo on DVD. Playboy started showing lips, Penthouse went bankrupt, and Hustler offered penetration photos. Blow up dolls went from plastic to latex to CyberSkin. And of course, the Internet did for male masturbation what TV did for couch potatoes. But this is only the beginning.

Some day my favorite adult video stars will reach out from their virtual worlds and do my sick, perverted bidding. Blow-up dolls will talk back (and self inflate), new houses will come with central penis pumps, and I will cast an image of myself and the girl who stood me up at prom into classic adult movies. When I'm feeling tired I'll just pop an orgasm pill and make myself comfortable. And God only knows what kind of stuff you'll find on Showtime!

No matter what the future holds for male masturbation there are only two facts I'm sure of; I'm going ruin a lot of old t-shirts and I'm still not going to tell you about it.

This article is contributed by Aaron, an associate of Abby's. Aaron will contribute on occasion on topics that appeal to a primarily male audience.

Aaron says: For more information on the topic, check out the rest of the male masturbation section. In particular, I really get a kick out of this site's slang terms for masturbation.

On the other hand (no pun intended), if you're feeling horny and want some new material for entertainment, one of my personal favorites is Seymore Butts' Tushy Girls Live.











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Sex Toy Warehouse has the largest selection of sex toys and male masturbation products. Sex Shop Mall has the largest selection adult videos and DVDs. They both offer discreet shipping and the lowest prices I've been able to find. I shop at these two stores whenever I'm buying any adult products.
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A2Z Masturbation is a new website devoted to male and female masturbation. It's new, but keep checking back!

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