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Orgasm Question - Orgasms and Epilepsy Answers and Advice

Orgasms  Advice

I'm a 20 year old woman and have never had a orgasm during sex. I can reach climax every time masturbating, but never through intercourse. Doing foreplay gets me really aroused then when we begin to have sex I lose all interest cause I don't feel anything. Most of the time it actually hurts cause when he does the whole in and out thing it feels like something inside is separating and coming together and so on till he's done. I try not to move though cause then it hurts like hell and my partners get frustrated with me cause I just lie there, but its like if I had something to make a big deal over I'm sure I would.

This might be a stupid question, but I'm epileptic—could this affect my sex life at all? I don't have a boyfriend right now, but my relationships usually end up with my boyfriends cheating on me and sometimes I think it's cause I'm not good in bed. I've heard that I'm good with my mouth and hands, but not in the intercourse department. So I was hoping you could give me some advice before I have a new boyfriend and maybe this time he'll stay. Thanx!

Orgasm Answers and Sex Advice: There a number of different questions here that I'll answer one at a time.

First, most women do not orgasm during sexual intercourse from that alone. The clitoris is the primary source of stimulation in most women and unfortunately it's located outside the area that is most easily stimulated during intercourse. The best method to achieve orgasm during intercourse is to stimulate your clitoris while you're having sex. You can do this by using your fingers or a vibrator or your partner can use his fingers or a vibrator. The easiest sex position for this is with them on their back with you sitting up on top of them. Of course nearly every other sex position will work as well, but some will take a little practice.

There are some men out there whose egos will be threatened by the idea that they are not all-powerful sexually and that you won't have 10 screaming orgasms from their perfect lovemaking talent. You can try to educate them and help them overcome their ignorance, but if they aren't open to learning about this then they probably aren't worth sleeping with again. Most men though will find the prospect of using sex toys and you playing with yourself quite exciting.

Second, if you have pain during intercourse, especially with different partners, you need to speak with your health care provider about it. Pain during sex is not normal and you shouldn't have to deal with it. If this was happening with just one partner I would make some suggestions about different positions and such. However, if you are having this problem no matter who it is, it is probably something inside of you that can be fixed. The topic of pain during sex comes up every day at any women's clinic you visit so there's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. The one thing to consider though is that certain drugs for the treatment of epilepsy can cause vaginal dryness in women, so if this is the case, artificial sex lubricants will help.

Third, epilepsy can have an affect on your sex life. For starters, anxiety and stress are know "triggers" for seizures so having a loving, supportive partner can help in that regard. You shouldn't have to deal with stress and anxiety during those moments of closeness and intimacy, when in fact, sex can relieve stress and reduce seizure frequency.

Epilepsy can cause a decrease in sexual desire although not in everyone. Also, drugs such as diphenylhydantoin, phenobarbital, carbamazepine, valproic acid, and others can reduce sex drive as well as your ability to lubricate or achieve orgasm. This is another thing to discuss with your doctor as you can often find a balance between treating the epilepsy and retaining your natural sexual levels.

Many people with epilepsy have perfectly healthy sex lives. Just be sure you work closely with your doctor and communicate well with your partner. And that was not even close to being a stupid question.

Your fourth question wasn't a question at all, but I'm going to pretend it was so I can address it. Your boyfriends do not cheat on you because you're bad in bed. If any of them suggest this, it's because they are trying to deflect blame away from themselves which is a very cowardly act. The problem is all their fault, but you can do some things to avoid it. Most important is how you choose your men. Women typically cheat only when there's something in the relationship that isn't working or their needs aren't getting met somehow. Men aren't like that. With men, there are the type that cheat and the type that won't. A good man with strong convictions about this won't cheat on you no matter what. On the other hand, a cheater will cheat on you no matter what you do.

There's no way of knowing for sure, but you need to trust your instincts and be ready to bail early in the relationship when you first get signs that they are this type of person. If this guy has a reputation for being a player then they will cheat on you. If they've cheated on their last three girlfriends, they will cheat on you. If all your friends are telling you that this person is this way, they probably are. If you meet this guy at a club where he's trying to meet a girl to go home with, a red flag should go up. Listen to yourself and take your time. If you are patient and aren't open to falling for every guy that shows an interest in you, then you will find someone who's worth your time.

More important than anything for you is to practice safe sex so if you do find that you've made a mistake with the guy you're with, there won't be lifelong consequences associated with it.


In reply: Thanx for your orgasm advice, I didn't know that being Epileptic could affect my sex life. When you listed some of the medications that can do this one of them was valporic acid and I take that. The only thing that scares me is it took years to get my seizures under control and now that we have finally found a medication and the right dose that works my doctors don't like to mess with it. I'm going for a pelvic ultrasound cause I told the doctors that I have pain during sex, but I read this article about pelvic inflammatory disease and it's sex related. Could I have that? Anyway thanxs for your advice and hope to hear from you soon.

As far as your medication goes, tell your doctor about everything and they may still be able to find a balance between keeping the seizures away and limiting the side effects. Any medication you take should not only help you stay alive, but also allow you to live.

The pain you feel during sex could definitely be pelvic inflammatory disease. It could also be many other things. Just keep working closely with your doctor until you find out what it is. Through trial and error you will find a solution. If at any point your health care provider tells you that there's nothing more they can do or try, just look for another doctor until you get what you need.












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