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Lesbian love Question, Answers, and Sex Advice

Relationships  Advice

Hi, how are you? I am a 45 year old lesbian who met, and fell deeply in love with this 23 year old lesbian online. We communicated on the net, phone, and through mail correspondence. She and I live in different cities, same state.

We finally met after about seven months, and it was like we had known each other forever. Everything was just as I expected it to be, except for the small details of this being my first lesbian relationship. We were intimate with each other, and the love was definitely there.

As luck would have it I had to be in her city for about five weeks, and during that time we saw each other three times. All we ever talked about was if one or the other of us spent an extended amount of time in the other's city how wonderful it would be.

Well, it seems as though that is where our down fall began. Needless to say, things started taking a turn for the worse, and we argued much too much for me. We finally mutually decided to call it quits after about a year and five months, but the problem is we can't seem to leave each other alone and go on with our lives.

We continue to argue, and she more so than I, tries to say and do things to hurt. We both are now talking with other people, but something is still there. I can tell she wants to try again as well as I do. My question is, is this something I should pursue, or should I just let her/it go and move on with my life?

I have to be totally honest, I do still love and am still in love with her. I would appreciate any advice you have to offer. Thank you.

- Elana

Elana, two people who belong together are more than the sum of their parts. That's because they bring out the best in each other. Conversely, when someone initiates hurtful things, it is not a sign of love.

The problem with staying with the wrong job, or the wrong person, is that it uses up exactly the time you could use to find out what, or who, is right for you. Instead of moving on, you revisit the past. It's like continuing to try on a pair of shoes you know you can't get your foot into.

You feel love for this woman, but other things are in play as well. When people experience the intimacy of first love, they want to cling to that experience. Some women, for example, keep coming back to a man who is a scoundrel because he was their first experience. If they can change him, they feel it will make that experience right.

There is also the obvious problem of being gay. It limits your ability to find a partner and to openly express your feelings. Because it is harder to be open, it makes you try harder to make something happen. Slimmer, or more difficult, pickings means you will make more of an effort to make it work—which is not the same as being with the right person for you.

What we are saying is this. It looks like you are attaching love to a woman you can't be with except in bits and bursts. Just because you don't have someone else is not a good enough reason to hook back up. Your fulfillment is more likely to come from the uncertainty of the future than the certainty of the past.

Lesbian in Love — Content from

To learn more related sexual issues, read about sexual health and relationships.











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