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Tight Vagina

Sexual Intercourse  Advice

My girlfriend is 19 years old and has a very tight vagina. She has never been sexually active in her life. Now she wants to be, and we have attempted to begin with some simple finger action, but there's a problem that I have never run into with any previous girl. Her vagina is extremely sensitive and it's almost impossible to avoid causing her pain no matter what I do. I've never seen one this small or tight, and she told me that her gynecologist told her that if she started using tampons, it would make her checkups go a lot better and her "wedding night" would be easier. Do you have any suggestions for how to a) ease our way into this so as she will begin to enjoy our time and not feel pain, and b) of anything we can do in the meantime (she is going to start using tampons, so we will have a while to kill while we wait for improvement I suppose). Thanks!

- Mike

First, make sure there is plenty of lubrication. If she is nervous (which would be understandable) and in some pain, it is possible that she isn't producing the amount of lubrication that she will once she learns to enjoy it. Extended foreplay may help, but anxiety over things to come may prevent her from fully relaxing and letting her hormones do their work. Your best solution is to use artificial lubricant in and around her vagina. In fact, lube is always good for a number of reasons I preach about on this site. Be sure to reassure her that this is completely normal and does not mean that she is inadequate in any way. Water-based lubrication is preferable with condom usage and flavored lubricants are a good place to start. I'm one of the most sexual women I know and I still use lube during most sessions simply because it's more fun that way!

Second, let her have all the control. This can be difficult to do because both men and women have this idea of what roles they play during most sexual encounters. Just because they're your fingers doesn't mean that you have to be the one who puts them in. When you are in control, you won't know if something hurts until she says something. It is almost a certainty that she won't tell you immediately because she will be trying to live up to some idea about her being able to do this. Put this all together and you'll have her in pain and only stopping you when it's too much. If she has control, she can proceed at exactly the rate that is most comfortable for her and no faster. She will find it so much easier to relax if she knows that there won't be any pain coming.

Now here's the hard part for you. You need to reassure her that when you play, you won't try to have actual intercourse with her the first time or two. This needs to be something that you work up to. As a guy, it will be a serious test of your will, but it's very important that you not only go at her rate, but even slower than that. She will want so bad to make you happy and to feel that she's a woman (Yes, women also have some of their identities tied to their sexuality, although typically not as much as men). But the day she is first comfortable with a finger inside of her will not be the day she is ready for more. If you take your time and let her enjoy each step of the way, she will have a much better opinion about this whole sex thing and should quickly learn to enjoy it.

Finally, when you do have intercourse, she may not enjoy it at first either and is also not likely to orgasm. Don't expect it to be any more than the first exciting part of your sex life together that will be great to get out of the way. Like with the fingers, the best way to first enter her is for you to remain still (perhaps on your back) and let her have control over it all. There's plenty of time later for the porno sex. For now, what matters is that she doesn't hurt, and that she doesn't associate the experience of sex as a total negative.

One final note: Because you wrote to me, I explained how to get through this with you as an active participant. If she had written, my first approach would have been to encourage her to experiment with masturbation (as it seems as though she may not be partaking in the pleasure of the self). This is the best way for her to learn enjoyable ways to touch, caress, enter, tickle, and otherwise manipulate this place on her body that is so sensitive. Encourage her to read my page on female masturbation and it will give her an idea where to start. Also read more about foreplay to help alleviate her tight vagina pain.












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